My chest hurts a lot the last few days. Last night I stayed awake in the dark just unable to turn my brain off from the constant noise. But if it isn’t my brain keeping me up it is my heart feeling like it’s going to pop.


A friend recently talked with me about the cost of loving people. That inevitably, if you keep collecting all of the joyful memories, you would one day need to cash them in. It’s such a part of our human experience but knowing that cash out is coming certainly doesn’t make it easier.


We are preparing to say goodbye to a man that I love very much. My grandpa is one of those people in life that has only added joy. In paper grocery bags full to the brim of air popped popcorn in my youth or weekly People magazines as I grew up he has always found a way to interject love into my life.



It is a privilege for the tables to have turned. It warms my heart to bring him treats when I see him, to be able to show the man that has always tried to take care of everyone that we could take care of him. I hope  that somewhere in his tired body he is able to remember how loved he is.


I am thankful that he has had enough strength to pull through the last two years. I am grateful for pictures of him at my wedding and that he was at my house the day we brought our baby home. I am glad that he remembers my husband’s name and always asks about him. These are things I will treasure always.

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