They are sleeping soundly next to each other. My heart skips a beat to see them snuggled against one another. I rock in the glider watching them, making sure he is safe next to her beautiful, strong body. This is the peace I was praying for just hours earlier.
Wrangling two little ones down for naps brings me to the limits of my sanity some days. My jaw so tight as I shush, bounce, sing, pat, rock and threaten the two of them. I pray through gritted teeth, God please hear me. My core is tired. I want them to relax so I can breathe, so I can recharge and be a better mama. I need them to take a break from their adventures. “They aren’t napping!” I text my husband frantically. Don’t they know I love them? Don’t they know how sweet a nap would be for ALL of us?
I held my girl just a while ago, her long legs hanging over the glider arms. Every time we rocked back I kissed her cheeks lightly over and over, rock kiss, rock kiss, rock kiss, while gently stroking her hair from her head. She watched me through squinted eyes and let out a sinister giggle, kissing me back. “Mama I love you” she said as we drowned each other in a puddle of kisses. It was the first time she has said that unprovoked. My heart just stopped so briefly. She loves me in my tired. She loves me in my mess. My gentle and wild and silly girl loves me when my batteries are on empty. Her eyes get heavy, her brother has given up the fight. Naptime wins.
In my weaknesses as their mama, God’s glory shines. In my tired fog, the tenderness of these sweet babes energize. There isn’t a word for being so worn down and so deeply in love as I am in this room, listening to the soft breaths of my babies. This job is difficult, it brings me to my limits but I am thankful every single day that I was given the gift of these sweet lives.
Tired mama, you were made for this. Your obedience in your exhaustion is such a beautiful refinement. You are needed and you are tenderly loved.